TanZAnian culture: Marriage, Maturity and Birth/Pregnancy

In the first two weeks of CCS volunteering you get language and culture classes everyday after your placement. Yesterday we learned about marriage, pregnancy and maturity in Tanzanian culture. It was fascinating and Sara, who is this mtundu (mischievous) and funny CCS staff, explained it to us - we didn't want to stop talking about it. And she was sooo open about her own life (since she didn't follow the rules of her culture) which was great! I forgot to bring my notes here so I'm not going to start talking about it until next time, but be sure to check this post again, this was totally interesting!

Tonight I'm going to Arushi with CyPy, the cute TanZAnian driver who used to have dreadlocks and misses them. Tomorrow morning I'm going to Kili on a day hike with Musa, who took us on safari. I decided not to do a weekend hike because frankly I'm too tired. It's been a busy week.

I noticed that I haven't spoke about any of the other volunteers and none of the wonderful staff and local volunteers. I also haven't taken many pictures of them - I'll do that this weekend.


I room with two nice girls, Chris and Jen. Chris is from Costa Rica and is a 38 year old bikini company owner. Jen is a 27 year old nurse from Canada - boy can she talk! :D
Danni - the 18 year old from Canada, 'the quiet designer'
Kayle - the 18 year old from Michigan, 'the wild designer'
Katie - 21 year old from Kansas City who arrived later than the rest of us
Brian - the 23 year old who dances all the time and one of two of the only foreign men here.
Ken - 58 year old man, really sweet, who lost his hearing a few years ago. He can't hear a damn thing and now thinks it was a blessing in disguise since he'd have never volunteered around the world if not.
Shari - the 40 year old cancer survivor.
Irma - 38 year old from Holland but lives in NY with her boyfriend and his children
Ellie - 53 year old woman, who looks like a yoga instructor
Megan - 40 year old lawyer from Seattle who is also volunteering with a woman's group
There was a group who was already here - 7 of them went on safari 2 weeks before we arrived and got into a car accident on the way there in which 1 of them passed away. Because of that this group is very close and very hurt - they are still in the process (a month after the accident) of trying to get a refund for the safari they never went on and the medical bills for the hospital visits. They would like to use that money, to start something in the name of the girl who died during the trip. I don't know all of these girls well because the groups were very separate and odd because of the accident.

Beth is the person I know best probably of everyone here and is from this previous group (though not on the same safari). She is Australian 18 years old and probably my favorite person here, she's very laidback and her placement is in the juvenile detention which I would love to go visit because she speaks so highly of the boys there.

Mama Grace - Mama Grace is the Manager of CCS Moshi, she knows everything. She is warm and loving and just a wonderful person. She says when she comes to America she would like to try black American food not Mzungu food, so mom, get ready! There will be more to come about Mama Grace b/c she's awesome.

CP - stands for an Italian name (Ciprano?) he loves music and specifically Raggae. He is so much fun he's like the person you'd love to have on the dance floor with you b/c he LOVES to dance ( in fact he's dancing all the time) yet he's not all skebe (come on folks Japanese word for lecherous) when he dances, so you can just have fun. He is on contract now with CCS who made him cut off his dreadlocks but usually he is a driver and guide for safaris which is what he went to vocational school for.He wanted to go to college but is the oldest son and is helping his mom but his younger brothers into school (His my looks like my mom's mom except for the lighter). I think he should go into music though - he Always has his ipod with him - he's very funny.

Amani - he's like a little brother to me. He accompanies me to Jipe Moyo (except this week, b/c he had exams). He is SOOO sweet - on Monday I went on a house visit to see a man with AIDS who had a stroke, Jumane. He cannot walk and depends on the kindness of his mother and the community to help him. I think I said in a previous post how Amani took him to a couple of soccer games and considers him a good friend - how many guys in the States would do that? He's great.

Musa - Muslim, our guide, not part of the staff, but also sweet. When we went to Laliga club any man who stepped on me or pushed me, Musa was like 'hey watch it'. He also goes to the orphanage and helps kids and has taken them on safari and camping.

ok more later, off to get gussied up for Laliga tonight :)


Birth/Pregnancy

If you're married and get pregnant your mother in law takes care of yuo unless you have no mother in law AND your sister in laws assist instead of your mother and sisters. Asking your own mother for advice would be rude because when you're married you move in with your husband and it is he AND HIS FAMILY that are now responsible for your well being.

Also neighbors in Tanzania become your family so a Mama (woman/ mother) your mother's age you can ask advice like you would your mother, same as your Kaka (brother) or Dada (sister). Children's names are influenced be either religion, family or a situation. For example Sara was first name Mligo after someone in her family (she is still called that but some in her village she says) but she was baptized at a year old and her parents (father) changed her name to Sara and that becomes her official name that she signs, etc. Other kids could be named 'trouble' because the mother had a troublesome birth with the child or 'Happy' (seriously, the English word Happy) we have a local volunteer here who is named Living. Oh, also Andrea here is a boys name and children generally take their father's first name as their last like Amani Andrea (who is the volunteer I work with). Also a child born or conceived during Ramadan might be called 'Ramadan'.

The female children are taught how to cook and take care of their brothers from their mom and the boys are taught to get food and protect their sisters from their dad. Until puberity where they consider that a girl has learned all she can from her own mother and then her aunt (from her dad's side) teaches are things about puberity, etc.

Marriage

When a woman gets married she takes the husband's first and last name as her middle and last name, so my dad's name is Roy Walker if my parents were Tanzanian my mom would be Shirley Roy Walker. There are 3 types of weddings - Traditional (can marry any nbr of women based on what the man can afford), Religious (Christian or Muslim[can marry up to 4 women]) and Judiciary (a govt. wedding) The latter is usually for people of 2 different religions who don't want to convert to the other's religion (Sara of CCS will have this type of wedding) but this is uncommon. For many of these marriages the girl's family still accepts a dowry - so if you have many boys you could be broke! (Mama Grace's dad was pretty progressive, he didn't accept dowry for Mama Grace and she married for love). In the villages there are some arranged marriages but that is rare. In the city it is not too different from America - women even where short skirts, etc. If your husband leaves you and two have kids then is the responsibility of his family to take care of you and the kids.

It is not acceptable to have kids before marriage, in Tanzania they don't really date. Tanzanians rarely go out to eat, its weird to them and Moshi doesn't have a movie theater. Usually you like your neighbors and date them and get to know each other that way. Even though it is unacceptable of course it happens, when a girl gets pregant w/o marriage it makes her mother, who taught her, look badly and since she is part of the husband's family it reflects negatively on him as well. Sara of CCS had a child at 16 and was kicked out of the house and sent to an Aunt in Arusha and I think she was disowned for a while. She was lucky and this is rare that she was accepted back into her family (this may be partly b/c she's from Dar [Dar Es Salam] the big city instead of from a smaller town). Many women in that situation end up throwing their babies away in the street because their families never accept them back and they cannot afford to take care of themselves much less a baby.

You are also not supposed to live with a man, our Sara, the rebel, of course lives with her boyfriend, though her parents don't know. But she has neighbors she has people who are like her mother and father.

I was asking Edward about dating yesterday and guys generally make the first move and I was asking what they do to impress girls but I didn't really get an answer from him, I'll have to ask CP.